Uncertain Times

>I’ve come to the realization that we are facing tough and uncertain times. Maybe it’s because the stock market seems to be failing. Maybe it’s because that’s what the newspaper tells me. Perhaps it’s what both the previous and currant occupants both have blathered incessantly about. But as the misfortune increases and the misery continues, we may have to decide to alter some habits in our lives. We may have to go without cable, or discontinue buying Super Premium Plus fuel for our Hummers. I myself may have to go without the luxuries of having a full-time chef, or I may retain my chef on limited hours and give the pink slip to my chauffeur. But no matter what I choose to sacrifice, at this point in time and in the current economic climate we’re in, I know I will not be alone in letting some things go.

That being said, I would like to share some hopefully helpful ideas for these troubling times;

*Save plastic bags, the kind the grocery stores give you your purchased items in. Currently they are trying to change the laws to charge taxes on using them. Some cities and states are looking to fully ban them. Yes, they are horribly toxic, but keep in mind, if you save them long enough, soon they will be priceless. You’ll have to explain to the generations to come what these bags were, and if you’re lucky to still have any, you will be able to make an income on eBay with them.

*In the new fad of everything going out of business these days, from sporting goods stores, to banks to grocery chains, don’t be surprised to see more and more newspapers disappear. That being said, take a second and think twice before recycling your newspapers. And before you start to assault me with flaming remarks about harming the environment by killing trees and not even trying to reuse them, let me finish. Newspapers are going to become another missing piece to our society, just another subject of history books, if in the future books will even be in print form. So, take a second to gather your daily news, bundle it with care and set it aside. Someday this could also become a source of income, not from recycling, but by having tangible proof of a real newspapers existence. People may offer to pay you just to hold one, or you may choose to sell your entire collection on eBay.

*Have you had any water lately? And did you drink tap water? Presumably not, because we’ve been led to believe it’s full of impurities. So what do we drink instead? Nice, refreshing, purified water and sometimes from a spring water, sipped pleasurably from a plastic bottle. But no more! Like our plastic bags, they are now taxing these bottles, hoping to discourage our consumer-driven-anti-environmental ways. And soon enough, I have no doubt they will try to fully outlaw the use of plastic water bottles. So what should our response be? Chain ourselves to the Evian display in protest? Pray for our Perrier to be protected? No, we continue to drink our precious bottled water, knowing times will soon change. And in protest we refuse to recycle the bottles. We choose to cling to them, knowing someday there may be scientists who would love to sample the plastic from previous eras. And hopefully, as a slight compensation for our inconveniences, would be willing to pay handsomely for these bottles on eBay.

I hope these ideas have assisted you in setting aside some hope for your future. Goodness knows storing up money in your IRA isn’t gonna help you any. And if, after all the research I’ve done and all the saving you’ve made still hasn’t worked, there is still a light a the end of the tunnel. Just start crawling through all of your bags, newspapers and bottles and try to find your telephone. Once found, call directory assistance and ask them for the phone number to a daytime talk show, any daytime talk show. Once you’ve reached the shows receptionist, kindly implore how much they are compensating guests who appear on their show that live in a self-inflicted landfill.

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