I’m ready for a new week, even though I know it will bring trials of its own.
Last week was the hardest week I’ve faced in my life.
I said goodbye to my dad.
Part of me feels too weak for this. I loved my dad. More than I can express. I honestly wanted to sit this chapter of my life out. Seeing him battle cancer, seeing him hurt, that’s not what I wanted to see.
But sometimes it’s not about what we want. And sometimes we don’t know what’s best for us. I have decided that I need to thank God I was here for the trials that we faced through all of this. Not only so I could actually have time with dad. But so I could witness his strength.
See, my dad was a fighter at heart. And he loved God with all of his heart. He never faced his battle with a ‘poor me’ attitude, but with the perspective of a conqueror. He knew, he knew! our God is capable of healing broken bodies. He believed that it could be done for him as well.
I so desired to see him healed, not even for selfish reasons (and especially for selfish reasons!). Seeing the strength of my dad’s faith, I kept wanting to see his heart’s desire met. To be healed.
But it was my dad’s time to go be with Jesus.
God didn’t fail my dad. God didn’t fail us. His ways are perfect. And as much as I grieve, who am I to want to keep someone from time with their Saviour? My dad is healed, he is made whole! It just didn’t happen on this side of heaven’s gate.
I’m so glad that, even in some of his most pain ridden hours, I was able to witness my dad’s selflessnes, his desire to forget himself. He always wanted to know how I was doing. He was worried about me worrying about him. (So then I would worry about him worrying about me worrying. I’m all for pointless cycles apparently) When dad would get a phone call from one of my sisters, or someone else, I’d almost always overhear him respond, “Okay, but how are you doing?” His concerns were almost always for others. And he was concerned that mom was having to do so much.
And speaking of my mom… My beautiful, compassionate, graceful, spectacular mom. My mom has been a rock through this. Her faith has been evident through all things. She is a source of strength for all of us going through this. But most of all, she is love. My mom is a living example of what love should be…
Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
Always trusts,
Always hopes,
Always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Thank you mom and dad for always hoping, always persevering, always trusting. The world would be a lot better if more people believed in loving like you do.
I grieve. My heart aches. I miss my dad. A lot.
But, as conflicting as this will sound, I will also try to rejoice. How many people in this world are as privileged as I am? How fortunate I was to have parents who loved each other, who were committed to each other, and their family! How blessed was I to be raised in a home with a focus on knowing that we are loved by our Creator, designed with a purpose.
So, I know I will struggle, but I will choose to hold onto the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised us. He promised! I will hold onto the hope that I will see my dad again.
But if I’m completely honest about my selfishness, I’ll admit that I’d rather just be holding onto my dad’s hand instead.
Life As I Pretend To Know It 
I hadn’t said so yet, but as I was thinking of what we should put in your dad’s memorial program and I was thinking of the aforementioned Love scripture. He exemplified that, being patient, not self-seeking, persevering, hopeful, he didn’t keep records of wrongs…it took a lot to make him angry and he protected to the end.
I think that’s a great idea mom, dad really was a great example of love!
Really beautiful tribute.
Jacklyn,
I have never met you. I know your mom through homeschooling. But I just wanted to let you know this post is such an amazing tribute to your dad and your mom, and beautifully written as well.
You have a gift of writing. I hope you are able to share this and other things you write.
Thank you for posting this.
Jacklyn, I saw your post through FB from a mutal friend…Kathryn Coleman Fleming. My mom passed away at 91 on 2/8, so it was different in kind but I loved her as you loved your dad. I too grew up knowing my parents loved each other for over 40 years. Your tribute to your dad and mom….splendid. I hope to someday meet you. I will be praying for the turbulent times ahead. One thing Jesus gave me when my dad passed 14 years ago was sweet incredible memories when I least expected them! Look forward to that. In Christ, Jennifer Molina
Sorry to hear about the recent loss of your mom. I love the perspective of looking forward to memories when they’re least expected! What a gift memories can be!
I can NOT say i know what you are going through, but your faith in God and love for your father is very inspiring. Know that not alot of people have the faith and strength to still Thank God during hard times. Stay strong, because you obviously are.
Love this…would be great sharing at his service…love u…talk to you this week…hugs
Jaklyn, very well written and so true! What a beautiful tribute to your Dad and Mom. And yes you are and have been blessed to have such wonderful parents and role models. I know your Dad is so proud of you and is watching over you. Grief is a process in which we experince so many emotions. I’m glad you are journaling and expressing them. It’s healing to put things into words. Love you!
jaklyn ,thats a lovely tribute to your dad but i know it must be hard losing someone you love but just remember all the nice thaughts about him. i nkow you don’t have a clue who i am but i wouls say that this advise might be good i think ❤
No words can describe the feeling of losing a parent. My Dad passed away when I was 19. It’s been ten years now, but I still miss him terribly. (Your post made me miss him even more.) Just like you, I witnessed my Dad’s strength all those years he was strugggling to prove himself to everybody. He was my greatest hero and will always be: http://chrissantosra.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/284/
i like those words. It really touched me.
This is beautiful! I’m so sorry for your guys’ loss. Your dad was a very wonderful man.
I quite like the depth you go into with this post, it’s the first time I’ve passed your blog and I plan to follow. Feel free to check my own out, and I’m sorry for your lost, but I’m inspired by the faith you have. (:
I just stumbled on your blog, but that was a beautiful tribute to both your dad and mom. Lovely. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can imagine how difficult it must be. Saying a prayer for you right now.
~FringeGirl
It was a year ago this time I lost my best girl, Mom. Like you I was blessed with lovely parents. I don’t know you, but I send you some sunshine for in this moment of grief, embrace his love.
All the best to you..
Lynne