I Cannot Comprehend

I cannot comprehend how quickly time has passed.

I cannot comprehend how slowly time has passed.

One year later, I still cannot comprehend that my dad isn’t here.

Today marks one year since my dad died. My heart aches, his absence is overwhelming. Grief is ugly. I cling to memories of our happy times together, and I cry knowing he’s not here to experience new moments with us.

I want to be strong for him, in honor of him, but a lot of days, especially today, I just feel like crumbling beneath the weight of reality.

Today I looked back to what I wrote last year after dad died, what I inevitably shared as a eulogy, and I don’t know how I found such composure. Today it feels I have so little strength to maintain any.

I miss his hugs.

I miss his greeting me, asking me “How’s my beautiful little girl today?”

I miss his strength.

I miss his insight.

I miss his encouragement.

I miss his phone calls.

I miss his voice.

The list of what I miss could continue endlessly, yet can be summarized quite simply….

Oh, how I miss my dad…

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14 thoughts on “I Cannot Comprehend

    1. So sorry for your loss. And I completely understand what you mean about having a better sixth sense, it’s that desire to tangibly feel love again…

  1. The pain of losing a great hero in your life is on going because it is so very present. The impact they make is so imposing that when they are gone the hole is huge. On one hand we are so greatful and humbled that we were able to call this person our daddy, and on the other our heart cries for one more day, one more hour, one more hug, one more kiss on the forehead. My constant hope in which I find my strength is that he is alive, he has eternity to spend with me, he has all the hugs and kisses I could ever want and soon I will see that smile and feel those strong arms around me again. Love you all so much! May God bring the comfort you need each day as you continue on this journey called life.

  2. I lost my mother to cancer almost a year ago. In exactly one month, it will be a year. I feel your pain and I can relate entirely. I write about my mom a lot. She was my best friend and I miss her greatly. It’s crazy how fast a year can go by without you realizing it. Sometimes it feels like it’s been just a few days, few months, but not a year. I don’t know what I’m feeling about it. I’m very conflicted. I’ll be glad to know that I’ve gone through every day of a year without her and survived, but then I hate knowing that she’s missed my life for an entire calendar. I hope that your heart mends swiftly, but know that you are not alone.

    1. I completely understand how you’re feeling. As far as time goes, the only way I’ve been able to describe it is, it just feels muddled. I hope your heart mends swiftly, as well.

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